Finding Yourself Takes Time

I was only 14 when in my puberty stage that my mother started to talk to me about boys and what they would do to me if I kept playing with them. She said "they will impregnate you and run." That really pissed me off. I ran off to my bedroom. Not knowing how to tell her not to worry about boys. I sent her an SMS instead. "I don't love boys so you don't have to worry about me being pregnant."

We never talked about it since then and everything changed, she gave me money to buy my own clothes because she knew from deep within that I was never a girl. But she kept buying pink colours that WERE assigned by society to be worn by a girl. But everything was fine and everybody who honestly knew me from a young age had no problem with me, they just thought I was a girl who was mistakenly made a girl and that was fine because they knew me. 

I then met a girl and that's when reality hit in, she was older and smart. She told me I was a lesbian not a boy. I got mad because I knew I was a boy and I didn't need anyone telling me otherwise. Because I really loved her I believed her and decided to check what a lesbian is and to my surprise it was a girl. I had to accept that I was a lesbian though I felt more like a boy, growing up I never had problems. But every time I got in a taxi people would argue about whether I was a boy or a girl, I knew nothing and couldn't answer them. But I learned how to ignore people who didn't ask politely.

I then got to a point where I took dating seriously and needed help from my sister. I tested her my girlfriend problems and she replied with a solution. I was happy but worried that she never asked me about anything. Sometimes we would go out together with her friends and she would introduce me "this is my brother, Rejoice ". They would all laugh it off like it’s not a big deal, but sometimes I would take offense because they turn everything into a joke. I asked my siblings to stop calling me sister but instead call me by my name, it was hard for them but I had to understand and even today I still have one little sister who struggles to keep up with me being her brother. But she is really trying.

Later on after I wrote my COSC a new irrelevant term was introduced to me "transgender". I couldn't make any sense out of it but I started hanging out with the LGBTI people around and learned everything, that's when I knew who I was and accepted myself. I never had to tell my family about me being a transgender because everything has to make sense of what our cultural parents want. But for me all I did was ask my mother what she would do if I had a plastic surgery and did a sex reassignment. She was shocked and said "I thought you were happy with your body, isn't that too extreme?" With the shock on her face I just laid back on the couch and ignored her response and she ignored me as well. 

Knowing that the people who matter the most in my life love me for me, I couldn't care any less of what people thought about me and that included my extended family. But surprisingly at family gatherings and outings everyone referred to me as a boy and the elders would sometimes joke about it and ask about the girls and all that but I would be shy about it because I thought it was acceptable, especially since they are older people and I thought they would judge me.

I was then given a chance by the youth in my village to teach them about me and the LGBTI people so that made almost everything easy for me and the people who were in the closet to come out. It was really good to see a few people understanding that we are people and we are just different as individuals. 

I then had a chance to have my identity card and it was a hassle to identify as a female yet, I am a male, but because I needed the identity card I had to go ahead with the female written in my identity card. That really hurt me but I accepted it and moved on. One day I went to get some service at some department where they needed my ID, I gave it to them but they had to spend an hour arguing amongst themselves about my ID To the point that they wanted to make sure and wanted to feel the breasts to make sure it was me. They even accused me of faking my ID card, changed the picture and forgot to change small details like sex. I had to be strong, but didn't have any strength to explain myself because I was already humiliated. 

Thank God for the family I have, my sister came with me the following day and helped me.

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