IT MADE ME STRONGER

You see... in life we all make plans but sometimes our plans are not God's plans. This is my story. I was born in a family of four and I always felt that I was different from my siblings. l was an intelligent and confident young boy who felt like a girl trapped in a body of a boy. I was around seven years old and I loved playing with the girls because I felt like I was one of them. As I grew older I started having low self-esteem because I knew that something was wrong with me. Yes... to make matters worse my dad sent me to an all-boys high school. It was a nightmare having to face all the boys in school... I was bullied because I was a sissy boy. I hated all the boys so much. I hated myself so much and I would cry every day of my six years in high school. I didn’t accept the fact that I was attracted to men. I tried fasting and praying but nothing changed...at times I could hurt myself or cut my skin and even look direct into the sunlight just to hurt myself because I did not like who I was. The more I was denying, the more the feelings became even stronger. As time moved on I graduated from high school and went to college. I studied floral design. I met different people and I began to accept who I was and finally at the age of twenty four I had a talk with God...I was in tears...I told Him that I was gay and I had lived a miserable life because of my sexuality, I told him that enough is enough, this is who l am and l will not stop praying but I have to accept that I am gay. That was a turning point of my life and weeks later I started dating because I had accepted my sexuality but l did not tell my family. After graduation I got a job as a florist in Qatar, I was excited and curious. I worked in Doha for 1 year 6 months and I was promoted to go and work in Dubai. It was a dream come true because I was working with 5 star hotels and doing floral designs for celebrities. And besides I was very passionate about my job. I was promoted again to go and train new florists in Kuwait...I had enough money to support my parents back home. I was their hope and pride. Since I had everything I decided to date an Arab man..I had known him through the internet and we were good friends so I trusted him. Unfortunately he was very demanding and I was not happy anymore so I decided to end things with him then all hell broke loose. He was a local Kuwaiti government official and I was just an expatriate. I was coming from work when I saw 2 men outside my apartment  and they told me that I was wanted at the police for questioning. I was not scared because I knew that I had not done anything wrong. We went to the police and instead of questioning me they threw me in jail and they told me that I was a stupid gay man who was sleeping with other men.. They accused me of being a gay prostitute. I was so scared. I spent 3 days in jail with no outside communication. I was worried about my family because I knew they were very worried why I was not communicating. After a week the police took my finger prints and they told me that I was going to be deported back to my country. All I wanted was to be back home with my family.. I was angry and frustrated and I felt violated. I did not care what they said. My manager came to see me and they brought a suitcase with my clothes from my apartment and I was sent back to Africa. You can imagine 7 days in prison.. no bathing and my family was surprised to see me.. I was jobless and l was banned from the middle east. It has been 7 months now, I am safe home and hopefully I will rise again. I had to lie to my family that l quit my job because I know if l TOLD them the true story it would destroy them. All I know is that hope has a place and I will get another job in some other countries... being banned from the middle east because you are gay really surprised me...HOPEfully one day people will understand that being gay is not a choice. I did not choose this life and I know that what happened to me was not fair and I do not wish that on anyone… although it made me stronger.

Country: Zimbabwe

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